Chemicals. They’re in everything! Can you imagine my horror when I discovered oxalic acid, the main ingredient in my bar-keeper friend’s heavy duty cleaner, is found in MANY common vegetables I had been ingesting on a daily basis? Eugh. It is toxic, a carcinogen, causes kidney stones, and you are probably eating it right now. Luckily, I’m here to help you avoid it entirely. Do not eat these vegetables, or else you will get kidney stones, cancer, and die.

1. SPINACH

This leafy green contains 0.97 grams (ranges from .65 to 1.3 grams per 100 grams on fresh weight basis) of oxalic acid, or oxalates, the main component in kidney stones. WOW. THAT’S A LOT. Popeye may have advertised this toxic veggie as a part of a healthy diet, but now we know it will only lower your vibration and kill you. Throw it out immediately!

2. CHIVES

We throw this shit on everything. Not anymore! Containing 1.48/100 grams of oxalic acid, this cancerous perrennial is no longer a part of our diet. And you should eliminate it too. Disgusting.

3. PARSLEY

A wonderful addition to an evening’s spaghetti, or the harbinger of death? At 1.7 grams/100 grams of oxalates, we’ll let YOU decide.

4. COLLARDS

This vegetable may not rank as high as the others at 0.45/100 grams, but with leafy greens being the hot popular thing right now, we suggest you AVOID AVOID AVOID. Who knew the media was trying to kill you with these seemingly innocuous plants?

5. CARROTS

At 0.5/100 grams of oxalic acid, a salad that resembles this list is a sure way to send you to the hospital clutching your kidneys in utter pain and suffering. Carrots might as well be the proverbial cherry on top of a cancer-causing diet. To heighten your vibrations, throw out all your carrots. Yesterday.