Many Americans purchase Monster brand energy drinks because they’re short-sighted fools. No matter how many times you tell them that they’re bad for them, they persist. They must be stopped. Here’s why you should NEVER drink a Monster energy drink.

1. It tastes awful.

No Fear and Amp deliver the same great high-caffeine fix without the corrosive alien taste of Monster.

2. High sugar content makes you a target for ants.

Believe me, you don’t want to wake up with ants in your blood.

3. Last time you unleashed the Monster, terrible things happened.

You can’t do that again. The cycle must end.

4. You must be better than this.

This cannot continue. I know, I know, “this bird you cannot change,” but if you continue down this road, you’ll awaken one day to find you no longer recognize yourself.

5. It’s of the devil.

Known Fake News website “Snopes” falsely claims that the Monster’s claw logo is not a secret Satanic symbol, but this woman begs to differ. We must be honest with ourselves: Money from the sale of Monster energy drinks likely goes to fund the research of Satanic biological laboraties. We don’t know what the end result of their terrible experiments will be, but we cannot discount that this might lead to a dark future.